


We were always meant to say goodbye

by LadySalvatore



Category: Game of Thrones (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Codependency, Drama, F/M, Falling In Love, First Love, Inspired by Game of Thrones, Jon Snow knows something, Relationship(s), Romance, Sad Ending, jonsa
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-08-03
Updated: 2016-08-10
Packaged: 2018-07-29 00:28:43
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,935
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7663084
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LadySalvatore/pseuds/LadySalvatore
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>At some point, you have to realize that some people can stay in your heart but not in your life.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hi there!  
> I’ve finally decided to succumb to the Jonsa fandom, I’ve been reading fanfictions for a while but still was a little hesitant to write about it. I posted this story on fanfiction.net using Damon and Elena as the main characters but then I decided to make some twists and turning it into a Jon/Sansa story, It may be a one shot but I’m still not sure about it, I kind feel like I want to write another part.  
> Anyway, I really hope you like it.

**_It started with the perfect kiss then we could feel the poison set in. Perfect couldn't keep this love alive_ **

She is sixteen the first time she sees him.

She and her best friend Margaery had lied to their parents so the brunette girl could meet her boyfriend on a party, so now Sansa was standing in a room full of older people she didn’t knew. A million things going through her head but most importantly what her mother would think of her if she could see her in a place like this, with people making out in every corner, alcohol and other things she didn’t wanted to know about on every surface. This wasn’t a place for a girl like her, she was good girl, the star of the town.

In school they called her The Ice queen.

But she doesn’t feel cold at all while looking at him. He is wearing dark jeans and a fitted dark blue t-shirt that shows all the good parts of his body. His hair is dark and curly, falling over his eyes. His jaw is square and his lips full and when he looks at her she sees the most enthralling but sad pair of dark eyes.

His lips twitch in a smile as he walks towards her. Her hands start shacking and sweat starts trickling down her back, she shouldn’t be here.

“Hello there” His voice is deep and smooth and makes her feel things she shouldn’t. _I’m the ice queen_ she thinks, _nobody can get to me._ “I’m Jon” He tells her and she knows in that moment that an inferno has been unleashed inside her

.

.

**Even with our face held high it never would have worked out right  
We were never meant for do or die**

It was a sunny Friday morning when she skips school one year later.

He kisses her the minute he sees her, pressing her up against the door of his dark blue car. She tastes of cinnamon and he moans when she runs her hands through his hair.

They climb into the car and drive towards the woods, it has become their place and Sansa likes nothing more than to lay on a blanket and make out with her hot boyfriend, Marge tells her to be careful around him and Sansa laughs every time. _Who is she to tell me? She dragged me to the party where I met him._

Sansa pulls out from her backpack a small disposable camera and smiles at him “Look what I go” She tells him and he smirks at her

“Get a good one” He says as she places the camera in front of them and starts snapping pictures.

Her red hair is blowing in the wind and the sun is warm on her face as Jon drives and she can’t remember ever feeling so happy.

.

.

**I didn't want us to burn out, I didn't come here to hurt you, now I can't stop**

She is barely eighteen when her parents find out about him. She had managed to keep their relationship hidden for almost two years but one of her mother friends saw her in town with him and ran straight away to tell her.

 _He is a bad guy, a bastard… he will destroy you_ her mother says but she doesn’t believe her, or maybe she does but she really doesn’t care. Because no one makes Sansa feel the way Jon does.

She will go away to college in two more weeks so she tells them they can’t force her to end things with him. Her brother tries to reason with her while mother cries and her father yells and in the end they know they can’t do nothing because she loves him and she’s never letting go of him.

She sneaks out of her room that night and goes straight to his house. He tells her he will love her forever and they make love on his bed, with his blue sheets tangled in their bodies and the faint smell of tobacco in the air.

“I love you” She whispers before drifting to sleep.

.

.

**I want you to know it doesn't matter. Where we take this road but someone's gotta go**

She is twenty when she suffers the miscarriage, they had been living in Boston for almost two years while she goes to college and he works as a bartender in a downtown bar.

He holds her as she cries the whole night “This is all my fault” She sobs and he presses soft kisses into her head while the guilt eats him inside, because some part of him feels relieved _. I wasn’t ready to be a father_ , the thinks to himself.

“It is not your fault” He tells her but nothing he says can make her feel better. Because tonight she lost a part of herself and something broke between them.

.

.

**And I want you to know you couldn't have loved me better. But I want you to move on. So I'm already gone**

She takes a bunch of sleeping pills two weeks afterwards.

He finds her unconscious on the bed and cries the whole way to the hospital. Because maybe they were all right, maybe he was going to destroy her in the end.

He stays with her the whole night and holds her hand the whole time in that cold hospital bed. _Ice queen_ they used to call her, but he’s the one who feels cold inside.

She is ashamed when she wakes up, she feels so stupid and starts panicking when she thinks he’s going to leave her.

“I won’t ever go anywhere Sans” He murmurs softly into her hair while he holds her

“I feel so alone sometimes” She sobs into his chest and his heart breaks because of her. Her parent’s haven’t spoken to her since she left for college and she rarely sees Margaery or Robb nowadays.

“We’ll make this work sweetling, we’ll make it work I promise”

“Don’t ever leave me Jon”

“I won’t, I won’t ever leave you Sans” He kisses her chapped lips softly “But you have to promise me to never do something like this again”

“I promise” She tells him and she actually means it.

Because she doesn’t know what she was thinking, she doesn’t want to go anywhere if he’s not going with her.

.

.

**Looking at you makes it harder but I know that you'll find another who doesn't always make you want to cry**

“You’re codependent” Tormund tells him one night a year later “How can you not see how toxic that relationship is? Is not doing any good to either of you”

He almost punches him that night and leaves the apartment in a fury…because a small part of him knows his friend is right, that this love they have is eating them both and it would end up destroying them.

But he cannot remember any of it once he arrives at the apartment and his nostrils fill with the scent of her vanilla body wash. He finds her in the shower and undresses himself instantly.

It can’t be wrong, the love they share can’t be wrong if he feels so high whenever he’s with her.

He fucks her wildly against the shower wall that night. His doubts and fears sliding down the drain.

.

.

**Know that I love you so. I love you enough to let you go**

They break up a year after that.

Sansa gets a scholarship in Paris and knows she would be a fool not to take it. She wants to do something with her life not just be Jon’s girlfriend. She has been talking with her parents again and seeing things more clearly now. She wants more to her life than a little apartment in Boston and takeout food every night.

He yells and cries and each word is a sword to her heart but she knows this is the right thing. Her parents are right. _Codependency_ her mother had whispered, she has to be her own person.

No matter how much he begs and cries and makes promises she knows he can’t keep, she leaves the apartment that night with her things and takes a flight to Paris the next week.

He drinks himself under the table every night for the next few days. He even brings a redhead named Ygritte back to the apartment one night but he can’t even get himself hard because she is not the right redhead, she doesn’t smell like vanilla and her hair is not straight so he sends her away.

.

.

**I want you to know it doesn't matter. Where we take this road but someone's gotta go**

She returns to him two months after she left.

She sobs and begs for forgiveness and swears to never leave again because she has spent the worst two months of her life. She missed him so much that sometimes she felt like she couldn’t breathe.

 _Ice queen_ they called her.

She becomes ice when he’s not around her to keep her warm.  He is the fire inside her.

They make love the entire night that day, it is never enough to calm the need inside of them. It’s been too long since they were together and they had missed every single thing about the other.

“I love you” She moans in the darkness of the night “I need you too much Jon”

 _Toxic_ they both think and know that the people around them are right but they don’t care. Because they can’t breathe without the other.  

.

.

**And I want you to know you couldn't have loved me better. But I want you to move on. So I'm already gone**

Two more years pass until they realize that they can’t make it work anymore.

Sansa cries when he tells her the best is to end things but a part of her feels relieved, because she had started to resent him, had started to resent the fact that she gave up on her dreams because she couldn’t be away from him and she doesn’t want their love to turn into an ugly thing full of angry feelings.

He kisses the top of her head and she breaths in his scent one last time “I’ll leave first thing in the morning” He whispers and a part of her shatters in that moment, she knows he feels it too, the need to take back his words, to tell her they’ll find a way to make it work.

But he knows they won’t. Because they have been dragging each other down for too long.

“Some people are meant to fall in love with each other, but not meant to be together” He tells her with a sad smile, quoting that movie they saw together so many moons ago.

They make love for the last time that night and all the time she wants to break down in tears. Because she doesn’t want to forget the feel of his arms around her, the feel of his curls slipping through her fingers  or the way he kisses the soft spot behind her ear.

She doesn’t want this to end but knows that it’s for the best.

He leaves the next morning and she breaks down once the door closes. She looks around the apartment that it’s filled with memories of their time together, her whole life is tied down to this place, to him. Who is she know that he is gone?.

Could they have done things differently? Was there something they missed? She thinks bitterly.

_Ice queen_

She can never be anything else without him.

 .

 .

**Remember all the things we wanted**

Four years pass until she sees him again.

She heard that he opened a bar downtown two years ago but hasn’t see him since the day he walked away from their apartment.

She is sitting in a little café talking on the phone with Robb and toying with the diamond on her very new engagement ring when she sees him across the street. His arm around a blonde woman with the bluest eyes she has ever seen.

It surprises her, the instant ache and the surge of coldness in her body, because the woman isn’t her, because it was never meant to be her and it feels like the pain you get after a really bad injury, it never really goes away.

She closes her eyes and grips the phone tightly on her hand, Robb is still talking but she can’t force herself to answer back. Because it hurts, how can it hurt so much after so long?

He seemed happy and she wants to think he is.

She is happy too, life has been kind, but a part of her will always yearn for the boy with curly hair and dark eyes who smirked at her across a room full of strangers.

**.**

**.**

**Now all the memories they're haunted**

Almost five years pass until he sees her again. He is on a family vacation back on his hometown when he sees her across the street. A tall handsome man presses a kiss to her forehead as he holds her hand.

His throat clogs and he has to hide behind a tree to avoid being seen. She looks so beautiful he thinks, there is a glow around her and his chest hurts because the man with her isn’t him, because it was never meant to be him.

His life is happy, he has a beautiful and kind girlfriend, a good job and he has reached everything he ever wanted in life but sometimes at night, when the whole house sleeps and the wind rustles the trees around him he yearns for that sweet girl he met at a party so many years ago.

He yearns for a little apartment in Boston, for the memory of red hair against his pillows and the scent of vanilla in the air.

 .

.

**We were always meant to say goodbye**

Her parents are selling her childhood home and buying a new one in New York so they can be closer to their children, her wedding is in two weeks so she guesses she must throw away everything she won’t take to her new home.  That’s why she is going through her stuff in her old bedroom when she finds it.

Tucked in a corner behind bags and shoes is a brown cardboard box with her initials written with glittery paint on the top. She opens it and finds all kinds of stuff in there, among them her and Margaery’s friendship bracelet, college pamphlets, the corsage she wore to prom and a small disposable camera.

Sansa takes the small camera and the picture underneath. The breath catching in her throat when she sees her seventeen year old self smiling as Jon Is right next to her behind the wheel. His ray ban covering his eyes and a timid half smile on his face.

She closes her eyes and for a moment she can feel the wind on her face and the faint smell of leather. She can hear his voice and feel his hand holding hers. Her heart aches for the memory, the memory of a time when nothing else mattered in the world. A time then they could convince each other that the only thing they need in the world was their love.

She stares at the photo once more with a sad smile and then places It in the things she is taking back home.

 _Bastard_ people whispered about that boy with the sad eyes she met thirteen years ago in a party but she was always able to see the good inside him.

 _Ice queen_ they used to call her but he always melted all the ice inside her.

**Remember all the things we wanted. Now all the memories they're haunted.** **We were always meant to say goodbye**

 


	2. When we were young

**_If by chance you're here alone_ ** **_. Can I have a moment before I go? 'Cause I've been by myself all night long hoping you're someone I used to know_ **

 

Two days after she found the picture she sits on the rooftop of her apartment in New York and watches the dark sky and longs for the chilly wind of Chicago. Her mind tacking her back to that night a year ago when her cellphone ringing woke her up.

His voice had been slurred and she knew he was drunk from the moment she picked up. He told her he missed her and that life was not the same without her, he told her he made a mistake and that he would rather be miserable with her than happy without her.

But she was an _ice queen_ and her heart was already frozen over so she hung up on him without saying a word and never thought about that night again.

Until now.

_Bastard_

That’s what her mother used to say.

 

 

****

**_You look like a movie. You sound like a song. My God, this reminds me of when we were young_ **

Three days afterwards she finds herself staring at the picture once again. She misses that girl, the one smiling to the camera with her hair blowing in the wind next to that boy she used to know. When she looks at herself in the mirror she can no longer see her.

She only sees Sansa Stark, the perfect daughter of Ned and Catelyn.

The one with a good life and a brilliant future.

_Why can’t that be enough?_

 

 

 

 

 

**_Let me photograph you in this light_ ** **_in case it is the last time that we might be exactly like we were before we realized we were sad of getting old it made us restless._ **

 

Her wedding is two days away and she can’t stop tossing and turning in her bed. Her fiancé’s body is lying next to her and she can’t help but feel like something is suffocating her. It all started when she found that old photograph.

_Jon._

It’s been so long since she saw him but when she closes her eyes all she can see are those dark sad eyes, her fingers itching to touch the soft curls of his head, her body aching for the feel of his intertwined with hers.   

_‘Stupid girl’_ she mutters under her breath.

The whole world is at her feet. Why does she keep longing for that boy she met so many years ago?

 

 

 

 

**_I was so scared to face my fears nobody told me that you'd be here. And I swear you moved overseas, that's what you said, when you left me_ **

The light of the morning brings no comfort for her. Trystan knows something is wrong but chooses not to comment on it. It’s always like that for them lately, ignoring each other’s faults in order to keep the façade intact. When did her life became this?

_Ice queen._

She doesn’t think it’s possible to melt the ice around her heart anymore.

 

 

 

 

 

**_It's hard to admit that everything just takes me back to when you were there_ **

“Sansa are you paying attention?” Margaery asks when it’s clear the read head is not listening to her. They are both getting their nails done in a fancy downtown salon before meeting Sansa’s family for lunch.

“I can’t breathe” She whispers and the girl working her nails pauses for a minute

“What are you talking about?” Margaery asks with true concern on her voice

“When I’m with him I feel like I can’t breathe” She answered truthfully and the girls working on their nails look at each other awkwardly.

Margaery stares at her startled for a few seconds before springing into action “Sansa this is completely normal, it’s called cold feet darling.”

“No it’s not”

_Ice queen._ They used to call her.

She doesn’t want to be that girl anymore.

 

****

**_And a part of me keeps holding on just in case it hasn't gone. I guess I still care  
Do you still care?_ **

Her hair is blowing in the wind and the pressure on her chest is relieved with every beat of the music around her. Chicago at night is the most beautiful thing she had ever seen and her heart is warming with the familiarity of it all. She is driving a rental car she took from the airport and the hood is down, letting the chilly air of the night hit her face but she doesn’t feel cold. Not anymore.

Her wedding is tomorrow.

But she won’t be there to witness it.

 

 

 

**_Oh I'm so mad I'm getting old it makes me reckless_ **

Her hands are shaking as she walks into the crowded bar.

She honestly doesn’t know what to expect but she does know that not coming would have weighted on her the rest of her life. Because she made a mistake six years ago, she never should have let him walk out the door.

_Toxic_ people said.

_Bastard_ they called him. 

_He will bring nothing but pain_. She can still hear her mother’s voice in her head.

But pain is better than feeling nothing at all.

 

****

**_It was just like a movie. It was just like a song_ **

 

He closes the door of his office and slumps against it. His limbs are aching and his eyes are barely open but he knows he can’t go home yet, it’s a busy night and they’re short on staff so he has to stay. And why would he want to go anyway? To go back to an empty house now that Danny was gone?

She had stormed out of his life two months ago claiming he had commitment issues.

He didn’t.

She just wasn’t the girl he wanted to commit himself to.

He made a mistake six years ago and he doesn’t think he can ever fix it.

His thoughts are wandering to a dangerous place and it’s the last thing he needs tonight so he decides to head back outside.

When the door opens the air gets stuck in his throat because there she is. Red hair flowing down her back and the brightest blue eyes he had ever seen staring back at him.

“Sansa” He whispers and she is in her arms in the next instant.

His nose buried in her hair and he sighs when the smell of vanilla fills his nostrils.

She is here and everything is all right in the world once again.

 

 

**_It was just like a movie. It was just like a song… when we were young._ **

 

They lay on his bed many hours afterwards. She is resting on her stomach and he traces the curve of her back with his fingers. Her red hair is sprawled in the pillows and he swears he never saw something more beautiful.

“Is this real?” He whispers in quiet voice and her blue eyes open to stare back at him

“As real as you want it to be” She answers and his lips curve in a smile.

He pulls her in and she buries her head in his neck as his arms surround her completely. This is where she belongs. In his arms, not in the perfect porcelain life she built for herself in New York.

He places a soft kiss on her forehead and breathes her in “I love you so much sweetling”

“I love you too” She answers as she starts falling asleep, feeling truly complete for the first time in so long.

It took her six years to figure it out but now she finally understands it.

He is the fire inside her and she will die of cold without him.

 

 


End file.
